Weekend at Beatrix's
by NefertiDagger
Summary: *MAJOR FF9 SPOILERS* When Zidane takes Vivi, Eiko and his kids, to go see Steiner and Beatrix in Treno, weird things start to happen. Including one deaht (no duh). Two parts because AOL cut me off at the text limit.
1. Opening Crap

  
Weekend at Beatrix's Part 1of 2  
  
Written by N.Dagger  
  
A/N- I HATED the ending to FF9, therfore, I am writing non-canon comedy. Please don't read if you don't want big spoilers.  
====  
  
Day 1- Thursday, December 07, Black Mage Graveyard  
  
"Hey Bibi, where's Vivi's grave?" Zidane asked, watching the mage look at a grave. Bibi, Vivi's 'daughter', walke dover to Zidane and showed him a grave that read-  
  


_Here Lies Vivi  
The 'Special' Black Mage   
'Stopped' a few months ago  
but we don't know the exact day.  
  
_

  
Zidane and Eiko stared at the tombstone and face vaulted. Eiko then stated something that was very strange.  
  
"Nice tombstone, who made it? A few moogles?" She asked. Mimi, Vivi's other 'daughter', nodded her head and looked at the manufacuting paper.   
  
"Yup, moogles did make it, I'm not sure if 283 wrote it out correctly, I can't be too sure." Mimi said. Eiko sweatdropped and Zidane groaned. He walked over to it and started to dig. Mimi and Bibi got all panicky.  
  
"No no no no! Don't do that! Who knows what kind of stuff you'll find! You'll disturb Daddy's resting place!" The two female mages squealed at once. Zidane flipped 'em off and continued to dig. Eiko 'huh'ed and watched.  
  
"What exactly are you doing Z?" She asked, looking at her fingernails.  
  
"Going to turn Vivi on again." Zidane plainly stated. Mimi and Bibi looked at each other in shock.  
  
"Why Mr. Zidane?" Bibi asked.  
  
"If he 'stopped', then he can be turned on again."  
  
"Oh. We never thought of that."  
  
"Right-o. That's why, me being the smartest of the whole gang, thought of the plan, to turn him on again." The thief said, digging with his one 'good' arm. Eiko started to help, and then Mimi and Bibi got into it. A few minutes later, they had Vivi's body out.  
  
"Uhh, what do we do with it Z?" Eiko asked. Zidane thought for a few moments.  
  
"How... do we turn him on again? I used Phoenix Downs, but nothing helped. Hmmm.."  
  
"Have you looked at the button on our necks?" Bibi suggested. Zidane and Eiko gasped and smiled.  
  
"Thanks ladies!" Zidane then pressed the button, and Vivi came back to life, good as new. Eiko hugged him and Zidane whooped it up.  
  
"Yeah! Vivi! Welcome back!"   
  
"Huh? I was dead?"  
  
"Of course Daddy! You stopped, and Mr. Zidane and Mrs. Eiko turned you on!" Mimi said breathlessly. Vivi gasped in horror at what Mimi said. He nearly fainted.  
  
"I'm a daddy? I'm only eleven! Zidane and Eiko are married?! What did I miss?" Vivi cried. Zidane shook his head and groaned, then explained.  
  
"Well, you see, while you stopped, they made you decendants named Bibi and Mimi, and a few others..."  
  
"A FEW OTHERS?! Wow.... I'm popular."  
  
"As I was saying, and Eiko and I are not married, it's just that Bibi and Mimi think we are, because they see us together..... oh yeah, Rusty fell into depression and held a vigil for 5 straight months with Beatrix at your grave." Zidane finished. Vivi looked sad.  
  
"Is he okay?"  
  
"Yeah, he got over it. I think he's on vacation with that bitch Beatrix in Treno...."  
  
"Wanna hear the story of the Vigil?" Eiko butted in. Vivi nodded enthusiasticly.  
  
"Yeah! I wanna know what those crying noises were."  
  
"You could hear 'em?"  
  
"Yup. The Black Mages don't bury too deep though...."  
  
The screen got wavy and it flashbacked to 5 months after Vivi was buried. It was raining, some thunder, and Steiner was with Beatrix infront of Vivi's grave, mouring over his lost buddy.  
  
"Master Vivi....."  
  
"Give it a rest, you've been standing here for 3 weeks straight, and you look like something that crawled out of a cave. Vivi is dead, move on. Isn't it time we consumate our relationship?" Beatrix said in a snottish voice. Steiner didn't listen and cried some more.  
  
"No! I will never forget Master Vivi!"  
  
"Augh, I give up. I'll see you at the palace for lunch." With that, Beatrix left, and then Eiko walked over.  
  
"Miss Vivi?"  
  
"*sniff* Yes."  
  
"So do I. I loved him, sad he had to stop."  
  
"Terrible fate...."  
  
"Yeah..... say, I know Vivi would agree, wanna go and get dry? You'll catch a cold."  
  
"*hic* Okay.... *hic* I'll dry off, then continue..."  
  
"Ohh boy..."  
  
It then went back to the present day, and Vivi 'aww'ed. He walked away from everyone, and all the mages that were suprised to see him alive.  
  
"I gotta get to Treno and see him! He'll be very happy to see me!"  
  
"Okay.... I 'pose your 'wife' Quina will wanna give you a ride....." Zidane teased. Vivi fell over and moaned.  
  
"She still remembers...... I wish we didn't get married at Condie Pete!"  
  
"You had the option of sneaking past the guards..." Zidane teased some more. Eiko kicked him in the shin, and they proceeded to leave the Black Mage village with Bibi and Mimi in tow.  
  
========  
  
Treno- Bright Lights, Beef Jerky.... wait errrr, Bright Lights, Big City. Yeah. Anyway, Steiner and his girlfriend Beatrix were on vacation, and since their relationship was built on protecting the queen, they dragged Dagger along, and all she wanted to do was swim at the palace in the pool.  
  
"Guys, I didn't want to come along!" Dagger whined.  
  
"Our relationship was bult on protecting you, and whereever we go, you go!" Beatrix stated in her snottish voice that would drive anyone, even Dagger, to the brink of killing the busty soldier. Steiner, who had lightened up al little, didn't agree with bringing the Queen along, but whatever Bitchatrix... erm, Beatrix says, Beatrix gets. Sad huh?  
  
"Your Majesty, I did not agree, but I have to do what she says."  
  
"Whatever Steiner. I just decided, when we get back, I wanna fire Beatrix." Dagger grumbled under her breath as she was dragged from store to store in Treno. All seemed lost for Dagger, no one to rescue her..... sad.  
  
"I would like to go back tot he hotel room please." Dagger pleaded to Steiner and Beatrix... of course, the female soldier did not agree, and made Dagger come along.  
  
"No, what if someone tries to get you? We won't be there to protect you."   
  
"Beatrix?" Dagger asked.  
  
"Yes your majesty?"  
  
"Shut up and let me go back to the hotel, that's an order from the Queen of Alexandria, and if you do not let me go back, I shall behead you upon arrival of the Palace." The Queen ordered, in a stern tone that made EVERYONE turn their heads. Beatrix shivered and said meekly-  
  
"Yes your highness."  
  
Steiner couldn't help but allow a small laugh as Dagger kicked Beatrix in the chest after the slut muttered something about Dagger. It was a funny sight, but the knight couldn't help but feel sorry for his girlfriend.  
  
"Sad sight, but the queens orders." Steiner said to Beatrix as she got up, clenching her chest in pain. Beatrix slapped him and walked away.  
  
"Oh shut up."  
  
"Yes Beatrix."  
  
========  
  
Zidane, Vivi, Mimi, Bibi and Eiko had arrived at Treno in no time, well, in the evening anyway. They dismounted the Chocobos and walked to the gates of the city and Zidane motioned to Eiko to take care of Mimi and Bibi if anything else happened to Vivi and himself.  
  
"If anything happens while I try to smooth talk these guards into letting us in, take care of Vivi's daughters hmmkay?"  
  
"Okay Zidane!" Eiko grinned. Mimi and Bibi hugged their daddy and went with Eiko. The theif and mage walked up to the gates and Zidane cleared his throat to make a good impression while talking. Vivi adjusted his hat and waved to Bibi and Mimi.  
  
"Hello there Mr. Guard! I am Zidane Tribal, and this is my comrade Vivi Ornuita, and my (eeerrrr) 'girlfriend' Eiko Carol, and Vivi's daughters Mimi Ornuita and Bibi Ornuita. We are here to visit Treno, and we didn't have an air ship, so we came by Chocobo. May we ahum, please get in?" Zidane, ever the smooth talker, finished it off with a smug grin. The guard looked at Eiko, Vivi, Mimi and Bibi and let his guard down.  
  
"You may pass."  
  
"Yo man! Thanks!" With that, the gang walked into the bustling cit of Treno, a place Vivi's daughters have NEVER seen. They were instantly captivated by it, and Zidane was more interested in finding Dagger and Rusty to tell them that Vivi was alive.  
  
"Come on Vivi. Let' go find Rusty. Eiko, take care of Vivi's girls!" Zidane said. Eiko was still suprised that Zidane called her his 'girlfriend', but even she knew it was just an alias used to get past the guards.   
  
"So, what do you wanna do here?" Eiko asked the young mages.  
  
"Candy Store!" They both said in unison. Eiko nodded and she summoned Fenrir to take them there in no time flat. Elsewhere, Zidane and Vivi were asking people where Dagger was, of course, no one even answered them.  
  
"Hey, do you know where a girl with brunette hair, orange jumpsuit, white shirt is?"  
  
".... Can't say. General Beatrix made us not talk."  
  
"DAMN HER!!! So overprotective, more than Rusty, and that's saying alot when you really look at it....." Zidane swore, then finished to Vivi, but Vivi was at the Treno Hotel, walking to the door.  
  
"Zidane! They might be in here!"  
  
"Puh-leeze Vivi, they'd be somewhere boring like....." Zidane was cut short when Vivi walked out with Dagger. "... Never mind."  
  
"Zidane! How in Gaia did you get here?"  
  
"Well, It was 'Couples Get In Free' Month, and so I passed Eiko off as my wife, and Vivi and his kids, as mine and Eiko's. That way, we wouldn'thave to pay the fee of $300,000 gil to get in!"  
  
"**_YOU DID WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!_** Eiko's only 6, and Vivi is 9 and he has 2 daughters! What will people think of you when they find out you feinged marriage with a 6 year old?" Dagger scoleded.  
  
"Dagger, she's 8 now, and Vivi's 11. His kids are 6 and 4. Who's gonna notice? Besides, the guard was one of those lackwits like Rusty. Speaking of which, where is he? We wanted to show him Vivi is alive." Zidane explained cooly. Dagger pointed inside the hotel, near the buffet area.   
  
"Been there since I got back to the hotel with him. Beatrix is somewhere near the Card Game area... said something about 'sister', though I can't be so sure."  
  
"Ahh okay. C'mon Vivi, let's go slip in and show the dork you're alive."  
  
"He's not a dork! And, okay, let's go."  
  
With that, the duo walked in, and Dagger sighed and walked behind them.  
  
"Just in case anything happens."  
  
======  
  
Steiner was doing somehting very un-Steiner-like. Namely, eating lotsa food at the buffet. He ate the ice cream from the soft serve, took plated of bread and then to top it off, ate a few Gyshall Pickles ontop of a manwich. Yup, I guess you could say he was hungry. Now before he could finish the manwich, he got suprised by someone.  
  
"Hiya Steiner!"  
  
"GAH!!" He dropped the hot manwich in his lap and yelled because the hot meat was burning his lap.  
  
"MY MANWICH! OW OWOWOWOW!" He scooped it up and shoved it into his mouth, then turned about and nearly fainted at what he saw- Vivi!  
  
"Sorry about the manwich. I'll buy you a new one." Vivi apologized. Steiner nearly died. Vivi.... alive? It couldn't be possible! He stopped 2 years ago! This was very odd, but the knight couldn't care- his old friend was back and that's what mattered.  
  
"Master Vivi! I am so elated to see you! How did you come back to life?" Steiner said, in a voice that made him sounds all excited, scared and amazed at the same time. Vivi blushed and came back with 4 manwiches and set them down at the table.  
  
"Well, my daughters brough me back to life by turning me on again!" Vivi explained seeing Eiko walk in with Mimi and Bibi. They ran over to the table and Steiner was also suprised to see two little female mages sit next to their daddy.  
  
"Daughters...? I never knew! Master Vivi, I am so very happy to see you again, words cannot explain it!"  
  
"Calm down. Let's have fun while we're in Treno. Mimi, Bibi, say hello to Adlebert Steiner. He's one of your daddy's bestest friends in the whole world next to Zidane."  
  
"Hiya Rusty!" They both said at once. Steiner blushed. Okay, so the girls picked up something from Zidane, but hey, he couldn't care. Vivi was back! They ate the manwiches and talked, all the while, with Dagger and Zidane looking.  
  
"Isn't that cute?" Dagger said. Zidane was trying to make a move on Dagger, but she promptly hit him.  
  
*THAWCK!*  
  
"Ouch... why'd you do that?"  
  
"I'll never let us get married if you keep trying to grope me okay?"  
  
Zidane wanted to marry Dagger so badly, but he made a promise that they would when they were in their twenties and Zidane couldn't make moves on her. He groaned, and continued to watch Steiner be very happy with Vivi and his kids. Beatrix on the other hand....  
  
"Hmph. That smelly Black Mage and his kids think that they can take my Steiner away from me eh? Well, I'll just see about that. I swear, upon my mother's grave that thye won't be with Steiner anymore." Beatrix planned, sulking in in the shadows.  
  
*Heh ehehehehe...*  
  
She saw Stilzkin behind her and promptly punched him. She wiped her hands and walked over to the table where Steiner and Vivi and his family were. She looked at Mimi and Bibi cuddling Steiner, and Vivi eating.  
  
"Hey Vivi, can you get your little brats to move away from Steiner? I would like to sit next to him." Beatrix ordered. Stener looked angry.  
  
"Beatrix! If you ask like that, then no way!"   
  
The General was infuriated that she couldn't be with Steiner. Vivi was taking him away from her, and she had to devise a plan to get him back, but how? She went back to the inn room and made a plan, all while Steiner, Mimi, Bibi, Vivi, Eiko, Zidane and Dagger all ate and talked merrily until the sun went down.  
====  
  
Later That Night, In the City of Treno, something was going down... something not all that great...  
  
"You can guarantee that he'll save you?" A slyish female voice asked Beatrix. The General nodded and held up a sheet of paper to the shadowy female. A darkened hand snatched it and read it.  
  
"So you're telling me to get an airship to land, and when it's about to hit you, he seperates himselffrom that bastard mage long enough to care about you and save you? That sounds reasonable."  
  
"Of course."  
  
"All right, I'll pass it. But you have to be sure that he'll rescue you or else I'd have to hate myself for not letting him save you in time. If you died by way of AirShip crushing, I would never ride on those wretched things ever again."  
  
Beatrix nodded and walked out of the buliding, all while Zidane was watching. He shook his fist and lepaed out the window.  
  
"So, Bitchatrix think she can take Rusty away from Vivi eh? And jus after they reunited? That's not right! I gotta think of something to keep Rusty occupied while That slut gets crushed rightfully by an airship... but what should I do?" Zidane muttered to himself when he was in a darkened alleyway. We go into his mind, to see his plan.  
  
*_ "I distract Rusty by saying something derogitroy about Dagger. He gets mad, jumps around like an idiot, all the while Beatrix is getting crushed by an airship. yeah! That might work!*  
  
_He grinned and walked back to the Treno hotel, whistling and looking sly. He was going to foil Beatrix's plan, and he also needed Vivi's help.  
  
==========  
  
Walking into the Hotel, Vivi was busy playing with his daughters. The thief walked up to him and smiled, motioing for him to go over there and talk to him. Vivi shrugged his shoulders and got up, saying to his girls:  
  
"I'll be right back. Zidane n-needs to talk to me." The little mage sat down in a chair and looked up a Zidane, who was looking pretty devilish.  
  
"If it's a plan to catch Dagger in the shower, then no thanks."  
  
"No Vivi! It's somehting else. Beatrix plans to get Rusty away from you back to her. She thinks you're taking him away from her."  
  
"ME?! ---n-n-n-n-never would I do such a thing!" Vivi stammered. Zidane tried to silence him, so he could finish what he was about to say. He paced around the room, making weird motions with his hands, trying to get his point across.  
  
"Her plan is to try and get crushed by an airship, so Rusty can save her. BUT.... if we distract Rusty froms aving Beatrix long enough, she'll go SPLAT!" Zidans slapped his hands together and spooked the little black mage and made a squishy sound bygargling of sorts "And then she'll die once and for all, and we can finally get some peace with the gang. Who's what? Whaddya say?"  
  
Vivi didn't answer with a long explination, all he said was-  
  
"I don't like it."  
  
"WHAT?! How could you not?"  
  
"Steiner loves Beatrix, and Beatrix loves Steiner. I wasn't trying to take him away from her. ZIdane, you rplan is stupid. I won't take part with it. I have my own family to live with, and care for, and I don't need to waste a few minutes of my life with someone who makes stupid plans like you." Vivi stated, amazlingly maturley. Zidane groaned and said to Vivi before he left-  
  
"Fine! Don't take part! I can do this myself! I have a grudge against Beatrix, and whether you like it or not Vivi, I'm gonna make sure she dies!"  
  
"Zidane, you are a cruel man." Vivi said before slamming the door shut to his hotel room. Zidane felt hated then, but he didn't care that much anyway. He was a man with a plan, and he was going to do this plan.  
  
"Beatrix! Prepare to meet your maker! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!" Zidane chuckled.   
  
"Hey, is that dagger made out of mythril or steel?" A Cleyran asked.   
  
"Mythril."  
  
"Thanks!"  
  
The Cleyran walked away, and Zidane was confused.  
  
'Huh."  
  
============  
  
Day Two- Friday December 08, Treno Skyway  
  
The group that was in Treno at the time were allw atching airships land, race, take off, et. all. Dagger was pointing out to Mimi and Bibi all the various types of Airships that come in and then go.  
  
"... That's a Cargo ship. That carries materials to synth. shops."  
  
"We already knew that Miss Dagger. Freya taught us all that when she took us to Cleyra for.... schooling or something. She told us about the people ships, cargo ships and all that stuff." Mimi stated. Dagger sighed and then pointed out a weird ship.  
  
"Oh? That airship is the one I came in. The Invincible. It's sitting out there, and we're all heading back on Sunday, because I have some important things to do at the castle. Being the Queen isn't easy you know." agger said, pointing to the huge airship.  
  
"Dagger? Do you like being called Dagger, Sara or Garnet?" Bibi asked.  
  
"I like Dagger thank you. Sara just doesn't fit me, even though it was my real name.... oh well. Say, do you two want to hit a few stores? I'll get you a special weapon."  
  
"Yeah!"  
  
Dagger walked away with the two female mages, and Zidane gasped.  
  
"Dagger! Where are you going?"  
  
"I'm going with Mimi and Bibi to a Weapons shop so they can get a Staff or Racket. Zidane, make sure that Vivi is safe and for goodness sake don't let Steiner get all weird. The last thing I want is him yelling at people, ot get out of my way because I am the queen."  
  
"Better done than said Dagger." Zidane turned around and pulled out a small spyglass he got at a Synth shop. He looked at someone darting in and out of the docking airships to the ground. He muttered a few words to himself and put it back in a pocket.  
  
"Damn, Beatrix is going through with her plan now, and I'm not sure what to do again.... man, the effects of having a short-term memory of sorts...."  
  
=============  
  
Beatrix ran across the landing ships, passing cargo boxes. Now she could use her plan. She casualy walked over to a workerand asked him something with a sly tone to it.  
  
"Say, do you know where the Auction House is? I have a bit of Gil to blow and I got lost trying to find it."  
  
"Sure, cross the Airship Landing pad before any ships come down to land, then take a right, then a left. Cross the pond, you can't miss it." The Worker Directed. Beatrix winked and walked over to the landing tarp and took a deep breath.  
  
"here goes nothing. he's up there, and I'm down here. He should be in ear-shot." Beatirx though. She walked out onto the field and then a huge airship was about to land. Beatrix worked up her screaming voice, to get Steiner's attention.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH! STEINER!!!!!!!! HELP ME!!!!!!!!!! HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Beatrix screamed, ailbet VERY fake, but that was enough to get the hulking knight moving. He jolted away from Vivi long enough to sprint down the stairs.  
  
"I'M COMMING BEATRIX! I'M COMMING!!!!!!!!!"  
  
By this time, a huge crowd of people gathered to watch the spectical of Beatrix, the Airship and Steiner. Zidane onthe other hand, watched with glee, and he didn't even do this plan.   
  
"Don't wast yer time Rusty! HAHAHAHA!" He slapped his leg, and Dagger came back with Mimi and Bibi, and the Queen gasped.  
  
*GASP!*" BEATRIX! NO!! GET OUT OF THE WAY! GET OUT OF THE WAY!" Dagger shriked. beatrix, who though this was a harmless little thing she would do, turned out to be much more. She was really frozen in fear and screamed to Steiner, sounding real.  
  
"PLEASE!!! HELP ME!!!!!!!!! HELP ME!!!!!!!!"  
  
But by the time Steiner got there, he shoved Beatrix out of the way, himself out of the way, and then Beatrix fell off of a cliff that was at the edge of treno, falling to her death from a very long fall.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!!!!!!!! *CRUNCH*"  
  
".............."  
  
Everyone gasped. She wasn't crushed by an airship, no, she FELL out of Treno. Steiner looked in horror to see what evil he had done. He tried to save Beatrix yes, but instead, he accidentaly pushed her, to her own death. Zidane, jolted up, and stopped laughing. This was serious. Dagger ran over to her friend and Mimi and Bibi ran to their dad. People gathered around to see what would unfold next in this exciting 'drama'.  
  
"Oh darn. I was hoping she'd get crushed." Zidane mumbled. Vivi whacked him with his saff and gave him a lecture.  
  
"ZIDANE!!!!!!!!! This isn't funny! Beatrix is dead and all you can do is bemoan that she didn't get crushed by an airship? SHAME ON YOU." Vivi walked over to console Steiner over what happened. Zidane took heed of what Vivi said, and left the square. Dagger, Mimi, Bibi and Vivi were horrified.  
  
"Steiner.... why did she fall off the edge?" Bibi asked.   
  
Steiner didn't answer. He was hating himself for killing his lover, even though it was an accident, a really bad accident at that.   
  
"I killed her... the woman I loved.... I kill her with my own bare hands..."  
  
"It's okay.... she's in a better place, I think." Vivi consoled. Steiner broke down in tears, and Eiko walked up.  
  
"Hey man, whasssup? Why's there a big crowd?" Eiko asked, stuffing her face with fudge. Zidane look at her and swiped a piece and explained.  
  
"Beatrix died. Rusty pushed her off a cliff when he tried to save her from getting crushed by an airship. Good riddance I say." Zidane chewed. He walked away, an Eiko, who loved Zidane agreed.  
  
"Yeah! Good riddance to bad rubbish. I'm riding Fenrir back to Alexandria and telling the others. Anyone wanna come?" Eiko asked. Dagger, Mimi, Bibi, Vivi and Zidane hopped on the wolf Eidolon and they looked at Steiner who was climbing up with Beatrix's dead body. Zidane groaned.  
  
"And you're carrying that wretched thing because..?"  
  
"I love her. I killed her! I must keep her with me as pennance!" Steiner whined. The group shook their heads in dismay and sighed collectivley. They helped Steiner and the corpse on, and they rode back on Fenrir, to Zlexandria Castle.  
  
"To the Castle Fenrir!" Eiko ordered.  
  
'"As you wish Eiko." Fenrir repiled, riding off into the rising sun of Treno to the South Gate.   
  
==========  
  
Day 3- Saturday December 9, Alexandria Castle.  
  
Queen Dagger sighed, looking at all the people complaining about Steiner carrying the corpse of Beatrix. They were yelling loudly, event he Knights of Pluto were angry.  
  
"People! People! Calm Down!" Dagger yelled over the talking. One Knight, whow as very disgruntled, spoke up loudly above the chatter which cause silence.  
  
"Our Captain looks like a necrophiliac you Highness!"  
  
Silence filled the hall. Everyone backed away.... slowly... Dagger slumped in her chair and groaned. What could she do to tear that body away from Steiner? She waved her hand to get the people out of the hall, so she could think, but before anyone could leave, Lani, the boisterous Bounty Hunter came in, with a solution.  
  
"Yo Queenie! I've got a solution to your Beatrix problem!" Lani spoke up over the silence. The Queen rose up from her chair and walked down to Lani, who was filing her nails with her giant axe. Dagger looked at her and smiled.  
  
"Lani, you may have something there."  
  
"I do? Erh-hem, yes your worshipfulness, I do! Ya see, what if you and your group get that awful corpse away from that walking pile of scrap long enough so you can resore the body of Beatrix, and make 'er look shiny and new!" Lani said, the townspeople and knighs looking happy. Dagger gave Lani a bag of Gil for her suggestion and turned to the towsnpeople.  
  
"My loyal subjects. I sk that you leave the castle for now. Do not say anything of this plan to Captain Adlebert Steiner. That is all. Good day."  
  
The peasents and knights and Lani walked away, and Dagger summoned Zidane int he room with Vivi. Vivi fell over of course, and Zidane hlped him up.  
  
"Vivi, you really need to watch where're going."  
  
"I've been stopped for 2 years Zidane... I forget easly. Hey Dagger, what did you want us for anyway?" Vivi asked. The Queen smiled and sat down.  
  
"Lani had a great idea to get Beatrix away from Steiner."  
  
"Oh really?"  
  
"Yes. But taking the body away won't be easy. That's why I need you and the others' help. Can I count on you?" Dagger asked earnestly. Zidane grinned and rubbed the bakc of his head. Vivi strightened his hat out and nodded.  
  
"You can count on us Dagger...." Vivi stopped short of his sentance and fell over. Zidane's eyes watered up a little and Dagger choked. What made them do this? Was it Quina making bad food again? No... Steiner walked into the room holding the corpse of Beatrix, which smelled like mud and a little bit decomposed.  
  
"Steiner.... why are you still carrying her around?" Vivi asked, choking from the awful stench of mud and human skin. Steiner bowed to the queen and explained.  
  
"I love her! I said yester day, I shall carry her around as penance for my hellish mistake!"  
  
"Ooookay.... just take that thing elsewhere and wash it." Dagger ordered. Steiner bowed and took Beatrix's dead self out to wash it. Zidane sighed.  
  
"I know that thing's been a day dead, but it smells like crap!" Zidane gagged. Freya Cresent walked into the room with a reason why it smelled so bad. Zidane was happy to see Freya (who he hadn't seen for 2 years), Vivi also, but now wasn't the time for exchanges.  
  
"I bet you are wondering why that thing smelled so bad. The reason is, When Steiner and I were comming to the palace, someone bumped into him with some garbage and he fell in the mud. Then, he used Beatrix's dead body as a shield form a skunk. That explains it." Freya stated, sitting down. Dagger 'ahh'ed and looked at her old friend.  
  
"Ahh. So it isn't rotted. Wonderful!" Vivi explaimed, taking a deep breath.  
  
"We have an idea. We have to take that thing away, and then make it look nice for him, so it isn't all rotted."  
  
"Really? Sounds stupid. I say you should take it and bury it. That's the most logical answer to this situation." Freya grumbled. Dagger had other ideas for poor Steiner, and she was going to pirsue this.   
  
"Whatever Freya. Get the others, tell them about this and we'll try to have them get the corpse away from Steiner before somethin very strange happens."  
  
---------  
  
_Later That Day, Around Noon, the whole gang, sans Steiner were there._  
  
"And we're here because....?" Amarant asked, in his usual nasty tone. Dagger looked at everyone and sighed. She though that the group could help Steiner, but now it seemed hopeless.  
  
"I brought you all here because I need your help in getting that corpse away from Steiner. It makes him look like a necrophiliac! Who knows what bad reputation Alexandria might get if he keeps carrying that body around?"  
  
"I say we should just take it away when he's sleeping." Amarant suggested before leaving the room. Vivi, stated otherwise.  
  
"He sleeps with it, or at least, that's what I saw last night. It's really creepy." Vivi said, fiddling his fingers. Zidane made a gagging noise and stated his case.  
  
"Drug him and take it."  
  
"Yes, let's try that. Zidane, you thought of a great plan before the end of the story!" Dagger said happily. Zidane blushed.  
  
"Aww shucks. Now how about a kiss?"  
  
"In your wildest dreams. After the Frozen Pole incedent, I won't kiss you. Now go on, and drug Steiner and get Beatrix away from him."   
  
WIth that, the group headed out the door all at once, and I mean all at once. They crowded up the doorway and were stuck on each other, and Vivi rolled out from under their legs, followed by Eiko. They laughed and headed on their way.  
  
"I hurting Zidane..." Quina groaned.   
  
"Suck it in." Amarant growled, struggling to get free.  
  
"We need to put our heads together on how to get out of here."   
  
As they did, and Knight came rushing in, panicky, with grave news to tell the Queen. She rushed into the group in the door, making them break apart from each other, falling to the ground. The Knight bowed before the queen and fiddled her fingers.  
  
"You Majesty, I have disturbing news!"  
  
"About who? What happened? Is Kuja back?"  
  
"No, much worse.... it's about Captain Steiner."  
  
"Tell me!"  
  
The Knight whispered to Dagger what she had ot say about Steiner, and it wasn't good. Zidane and the gang listened in, and were horrified as well, but not as much as the queen. Oh no, she was DISGUSTED. It was something un-imaginable... something awful...  
  
"**_AIEEEEEE!!! HE DIDN'T!!!!?!!!_**" Dagger shriked. The Knight trembled and bowed.  
  
"Yes my Queen, he did."  
  
"Bring him here at once! He must be punished for such an ungodly deed!"  
------  
  
_A Few Minutes later...._  
  
"Captain Adelbert Steiner of the Knights of Pluto! How DARE you commit an ungodly act! And on the dead body of General Beatrix of the Alexandrian Army! You should be ASHAMED! Why did you do this evil act?" Dagger prosecuted. Stiner looked shameful, but he had his reason.  
  
"I loved her my Queen! I loved her very much!"  
  
"Yes, True, but doing ACT OF NECROPHEILA on her.... that is low, even for you. Steiner, if my mother was still Queen, she'd demote you to peasent status, but I'm different. I ask that after this, you hand over her body to Alexandrian Couriers so she can be properly restored and displayed, or buried."   
  
"My Queen! I am afraid i must go against you! I want to carry her body around as pennance!"  
  
"No Steiner, the answer is no. A line must be drawn HERE. You don't have a choice, so hand her over."  
  
Steiner didn't hesitate to go agsinst his Queen. He grabbed Beatrix from some soldiers near by, and leaped out the window, to the water below. Zidane, Amarant and Freya took chase and stopped at the edge of the window.  
  
"FOR BEATRIX!!!!"  
  
"YOU DAMN FOOL! GET BACK HERE!" Freya shouted. She sighed and looked at the others.  
  
"This is going to be harder than we thought. We have to get it away before he commits that ungodly act again." The Rat-Lady said to Dagger. She sighed and pulled out her Stardust Rod.   
  
"Well, if you are going after him, might as well help. I can't sit behind and have you guys do the work. A great leader must be willing to do what he orders. Let's go." Dagger said. Zidane grinned and they all jumped out the window after Rusty.   
  
To Be Continued  
(DARN AOL!)  



	2. Things get weirder here folks.

  
Weekend at Beatrix's  
Part Two of Two  
  
Written by N. Dagger (Liberate Ayane)  
  
A/N- OW! I passed AOHell's Text Limit. Here's Part Two, and It IMMEDATLY picks up where the last left off, so read the first chapter. Enjoy!  
----  
_  
We Last Left Off Where the gang jumped out to go after Steiner.   
  
"_Hey! Wait up daddy!" Mimi shouted, as she and her sister raced to the window. A Guard came and held them back.   
  
"You are only children. Besides, you cannot follow them. You are kids." The Guard said. Bibi kicked one guard and Mimi cast Sleep on the other guards. They nodded and raced out the window after their friends.  
  
"We gotta help! Let's go Bibi!"   
  
"Okay Mimi!"  
  
-----  
  
Eiko came running up on Fenrir and waved to the others. She had a report on Steiner and where he was with Beatrix's corpse.   
  
"Phoenix tells me she saw Steiner run into Qu's Marsh. We might wanna look there." Eiko reported. Dagger nodded and jumped onto Fenrir.   
  
"Damn Rusty's fast. How'd he get to Qu's Marsh in such short time?" Zidane groaned, his leags wearing out. Eiko looked at Zidane and smiled. She held up a Chocobo Tetra Master Card. He slapped his forehead and and groaned again.  
  
"Figures...."  
  
Everyone hopped onto Fenrir and rode to the Marsh, but were temporarily stopped by Mimi and Bibi, who were following them. Vivi groaned, because he didn't want his daughters getting caught up in this chase.  
  
"Mimi! Bibi! You were supposed to stay at the caslte!" Vivi said over the wind.  
  
"You didn't say that daddy! You guys just left! We wanted to follow!" Bibi shouted over the wind. With that, Freya helped Mimi up onto the wolf Eilodon and Amarant helped Bibi up onto Fenrir.   
  
"You really should've stayed behind. This isn't child's play." Amarant said to Bibi. Bibi shrugged her shoulders and went up to her sister Mimi and her dad Vivi. In no time, they were at Qu's Marsh.  
  
"Well, that was quick." Eiko muttered as they got off and rushed intot he marsh. But they were temporarily haled by Mogster for some quesitons.  
  
"Hey! You can't proceed further unless you answer the three questions, and you! The tall blue one over there, shall answer!" Mogster said, pointing to Amarant. He groaned and walked up to Mogster.   
  
"Question One- What do you think of Bibi?"   
  
"She's cute, but stupid like her dad."  
  
Bibi filled with love and was overly happy. Amarant thought she was cute! From now on, she was going to like Amarant. The Mog, who was asking the questions from nowhere, asked another.  
  
"Two- Why am I asking questions?"  
  
"Becuase you have no frickin free time whatsoever."  
  
"WRONG!" With that, Amarant went flying, and Bibi chased after him. Vivi saw his 4 year old daughter running and he went after her also. Dagger sighed and resumed the quesiton asking.  
  
"Let me ask you Mogster- why are YOU asking questions? You wouldn't come up out of nowhere and ask us something right?" The Queen asked. The Mog shrugged his shoulders and responded-  
  
"I have no idea."  
  
With that, Mogster went flying off into the horizon. Dagger sighed, and then Zidane saw someone slinking by, which looked like Steiner. Zidane immedatly went into action.  
  
"RUSTY! GET YOUR SHINY ASS BACK HERE AND GIVE US BEATRIX!"  
  
With that, Zidane chased Steiner across the plains, with Steiner yelling:  
  
"I love her! Don't take her!"  
  
"Whatever! Just hand her over! Get this over with! Get this over with you lousy ass!"   
  
Dagger sighed and headed back to the castle. She brough the others with her too.  
  
"Let's go, this could go on."  
  
-----  
  
_Enough of that, let's go to Zidane and Steiner's chase on the plains.  
  
_"Get Back here!" Zidane shouted as the two hoofed it across the plains. Steiner kept running, although Beatrix's corpse and his heavy armor were keeping him down, he had to get away from that ruffian, cause he was going to take away the one he loved.   
  
"NEVER!!!"  
  
"ALL RIGHT!!! YOU ASKED FOR IT!!! I'M GONNA ENJOY THIS!!!" Zidane shouted. He used this 'Theivery' skill and with it, blew The Captain away behind Zidane.... not a good move when you really think about it. The thief sighed and turned around, resuming chase from behind.   
  
"STAY AWAY YOU!!!" Steiner shouted somemore, throwing rocks and brick at Zidane, who for some strange reason was untouched. That's one of the perks of being the main charecter right? Anyways, back to the chase.  
  
"COME ON!!!! PERHAPS DAGGER WON'T BURY IT!!!!" Zidane shouted once more (alot of shouting eh?). But he couldn't see Steiner in sight. He stopped temporarily and thought-  
  
"Where would I go if I was carrying a corpse of an ass-ugly woman? Hmmm..."  
  
But ZIdane then got the blunt side of Steiner's 'Excalibur 2' Swoard, and Zidane fell over and Steiner smiled, holding Beatrix's dead corpse. (Gartuious wordage of corpse eh?)   
  
"You can't take her! I love her! Come Beatrix! To the place we first fell in love!"   
  
With that, Steiner ran off, and Zidane was surrounded by Chocobos. They all looked at each other and shrugged their wing feathers at the unconsious ZIdane.  
  
"Kweh?"  
  
"Kweh. Kweh."  
  
"Ehhh.... Auntie Em? Is that you?"   
  
"Kweh......"  
=======  
  
Sunday, December 10, Alexandria Castle  
  
_At the Castle... Dagger is most displeased at Zidane.... go figure._  
  
"Zidane... as much as I love you... that was really stupid."  
  
Zidane rubbed his head and Eiko came with ice, smiling. Zidane took it and patted the little summonder on the head and she went off blushing. He put the ice on his head and groaned.  
  
"He got me there... but I did hear where he was going next with that wretched thing." Zidane said in between seething pain. Dagger sat up in her throne and went next to the tailed boy.  
  
"Where?"  
  
"Where he and Beatrix first fell in love."  
  
Eiko jumped up from her chair and went outside. She knew where that was, and she suddenly felt guilt.  
  
"ACK!!! He must've gotten that letter I was going to give to you...... NOOOOO!!!!! I STARTED THIS!!!! Wait... Baku was going to give you the letter.... DAMN BAKU!!! Grrr...."  
  
Vivi patted Eiko on the back, and asked her something.  
  
"Where is this?"  
  
"Near the dock where you get to the city. I think."  
  
Before Eiko could lift her head up, everyone, even Bibi and Mimi, were gone. She shook her fist and said in anger.  
  
"I HATE it when they do this."   
--------  
  
When they all got there (In some mysterious form or another), they found Rusty caressing Beatrix's hair and him saying all sorts of romatic mush, that was mush enough to make Zidane gag, and Dagger hit him over the head with her Mulitina Racket.  
  
"Ouch! Why'd you do that?"  
  
"You are ruing a romantic, yet somewhat necrophilac moment." Dagger snapped. Everyone was hush-hush over this, and then Eiko came in, and ruined the moment.  
  
"hey! Let's take her away from him now!"  
  
Eiko was met by a flury of gil thrown at her. She ran off, into the other courtyard, screaming that she was being petled by other guards. Vivi tripped her and Eiko ran off some more.  
  
"I get your point!"  
  
When Eiko left, they all silently snuck up a group behind Steiner, and I mean as a group. They were bunched together, like a head of lettuce. Zidane franticaly reached for his Mythril Dagger and he casual wen tup behind the knight and said, plainly.  
  
"Get him."  
  
With that, everyone, including Eiko, went in for a free for all on the hulking knight.  
  
"OUCH!" Steiner screamed, getting kicked in the shin by Vivi. Vivi was in turn hit by Dagger accidentialy by her Racket, Zidane knocked her over, Zidane was thrown into Steiner by Amarant, Bibi started leg hugging Amarant, Freya was Jumping high into the air, Mimi was casting Haste on Quina, who was eating everyone's weapons it seemed. Eiko was casting various magic on anyone that got in her way, even Mog.  
  
"Kupo!"  
  
"Sorry Mog!"   
  
"HEY!! WATCH THE HAIR!"  
  
"GET THIS HELLISH MAGE OFF OF MY LEG!"  
  
"ZIDANE! JUST FOR THAT, WE WON'T GET MARRIED!"  
  
"DAMN!"  
  
"Hee hee!"  
  
Fists were flying, clothes were torn. Blood came and burises stayed. No one knew when this free-for-all would end, and they didn't care, just to get that smelly corpse away from Steiner long enough to restore Beatrix.   
  
"Come on Mimi!"  
  
Under all the fighting, Mimi and Bibi with their dad Vivi snuck the corpse out from the fight and took it to Doctor Tot, who was in the library. The fight stopped when Eiko saw the mages trot off with the dead General.  
  
"HEY! They got Beatrix away!"  
  
"NOOOOOO!!! MASTER VIVI NO!!! I LOVE HER!!!"  
  
"Suck it in like a man!"  
  
Zidane punched Steiner in the stomach and the fighting resumed. Vivi looked at this after they took to corpse to Doctor Tot, and he plainly sighed-  
  
"Such immaturity."  
  
Vivi fell over.  
  
*Thud*  
  
"Owwwww..."  
  
But a few minutes after Vivi fell over, Sir Fratley entered the free-for-all, proclaiming-  
  
"My dearest Freya!!! I have come back to you!"  
  
"Fratley?"  
  
With that, Freya and Fratley left the fighting and Zidane was confused. He asked Vivi-  
  
"What was that all about?"  
  
"Oh, Fratley got his memory back after we ran by him with Beatrix's dead corpse."  
  
"Oh yeah.... thanks!"  
  
=======  
  
That Evening.... everyone was at the castle, recuperating from the fight that day. Actually, a few minutes earlier, at Doctor Tot's room at the Castle, he and the mages saw a procession of hurt and bruised people walk in. Vivi couldn't help but laugh a little.  
  
"Heh heh.... that's what you get for fighting."  
  
"Oh whatever..." Zidane groaned, his arms broken and his head bleeding.  
  
"Zidane... this is all your fault. Just for that, we won't get married." Dagger scolded, her left arm broken and her leg limp.  
  
"I had fun, eat lotsa yummie weapons!" Quina proclamed, it's head wrapped in bandages. Following Quina, came Freya and Fratley, The Female Dragon Warrior was hurt, with a few bruises and a black eye, Fratley wasn't injured, but happy, and so was his lady.  
  
"Fratley, you sure do wonders.. I forgot how good you were."  
  
"Tis Nothing Freya..." The two kissed, and Zidane made a gagging noise. Eiko and Dagger whacked him on the head with rackets and he went screaming off, for they had hit him on a place where got hurt. Following him was Amarant, who was now being followed by Bibi.   
  
"Let me play nurse!" Bibi pleaded.  
  
"I hate kids... especally you." Amarant grumbled, his right eye black and his right arm broken, and his leg all red from blood. Bibi giggled and continued following him, and then came Steiner, saddended that his Beatrix was taken away from him.  
  
"My Beatrix.... why Master Vivi?"  
  
"She had to go. We made her look nice, so she wouldn't look disgusting, right Doctor Tot?"  
  
"Yes Vivi. Steiner, I'll go show you, hold on a sec." With that, the tiny doctor left the room, and Dagger consoled her Protector by giving him a few words of advice.  
  
"You'll get over it. SHe was a good General. Too bad she died by accident. She will sorely be missed."  
  
Steiner sighed and walked away, but not before Doctor Tot came running into the room in sheer panic. His face was pale and he looked shocked.  
  
"Oh my! It's gone!"  
  
"What's gone?" Freya asked, breaking away long enough from Fratley to say something. Doctor Tot gasped and ran into his lab.  
  
"Beatrix's Body.. It's missing!"  
  
Everyone looked at Steiner, who didn't have it.  
  
"Don't suspect me! I was here the whole time!"  
  
Everyone started looking, and when Eiko saw Quina eating a pair of reddish tights and boots, she nearly died herself. She walked up to Zidane and stammered-  
  
"I-I-I think I found Beatrix..." She pointed to Quina who was smacking it's lips. It looked at the gang and shrugged it's shoulders, giving it's crtique on the meal.  
  
"Taste like wax lips, good like candy!"  
  
"Oh no... don't tell me you ate her!" Zidane gasped, in disgust and horror. Quina nodded it's head and left the room, and everyone groaned, Stiner started breaking down in the loudest crying fit that men like him wouldn't be capable of!  
  
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!"   
  
Everyone cringed and Dagge said to the others-  
  
"Come on, let's go."  
  
With that, everyone left the room, and Steiner cried some more, but Zidane kneeled over and consoled the hulking knight the best he could.   
  
"Hey, there are other fish in the sea. You'll find another girl. Beatrix was a bitch." Zidane said, sitting down, looking out the window.  
  
"But she was my bitch!" Steiner whined like a little child. Disgusted, Zidane left the room,s aying nothing. Steiner was left alone, and soon fell asleep. Outside, Dagger looked at the thief and asked-  
  
"Well?"  
  
"He a lost case. Let's go."  
  
With that, the gang left the castle to get drunk or get healed from their injuries. Oh well.... and Quina later got indegestion from Beatrix's corpse.  
  
"Ohh..I feel sick.. I throw up..." Quina groaned. Amarant and Bibi looked at the Qu, and Amarant clearly stated-  
  
"Don't do it on me, do it on her." he pointed ot Bibi and she got all happy. Quina, who couldn't hold it in any longer, threw up on the both of them.  
  
*HAAAAAAAACK!!!*  
  
"SPEEEEEEEWWW!" Bibi cried, covered in God-Knows-What. Amarant sluged Quina and the Qu went flying to God-Knows-Where also.  
  
"Hey! I'm covered like you! Look! I got Beatrix's Eye Patch! Can we hug?" Bibi said. Amarant gasped and ran off away from the vomit covered mage.  
  
======  
Epilouge:  
  
"You highness? We received word from the Kingdom of Novelheim- King Avetarez wishes for his son Alfred and his fiancee to be married here in a year."  
  
Dagger looked at the knight, then was handed the note.  
  
"So the royal family will be staying here until then, huh?" She glanced across the note a few more times before it sunk in.   
  
"Yes, Your Highness. A week shall pass before they will arrive, though."  
  
Dagger said nothing as she looked out upon the night. But she did have many thoughts.  
  
'_It seems like this story won't be over yet.....'_  
  
*The End.. of Weekend at Beatrix's*  
========  
  
Next Time- On _After Final Fantasy 9_-  
  
Dagger gets an MP Guitar from Doctor Tot as a gift for New Years. She thinks she can use it, but can she? Elsewhere, Quina, now a Master Gourmand, invites Amarant, Freya, Fratley and Bibi to his live cooking show in Treno. But when the Gargant gets sick and dangles outside of the Gargant Roo cave, they have flashback of the 2 years after FF9.  
  
The title is- "Dagger's Guitar/The City on the Not-So Edge of Forever"


End file.
